It has been a fast paced spring for us. One with change in our family, travel for both my husband and I, and great ministry strides.
But I had hit a wall.
I was reading a blog post about how motherhood should not be about surviving, but thriving. “Thriving? Where is this girl?” I thought. I couldn’t even point you back to the post, but it was a reminder to me that some things needed to change for me personally, if I was doing my best to survive.
I had (and have) been impatient with my children. Less tolerant. Probably not a fun mom to be around. I remember when we first got married we had some friends that were (already) parents and I felt like they just disliked being parents all together. I wondered how that happened, when so many people just pray for children to begin with. How could they squander such a gift?
Well. Hello pot. Meet kettle.
Experience is a tough teacher and I now understand (and I’ve heard this is only the beginning!). It doesn’t give me a pass, mind you, but I do understand (now), how relentless arguing and negotiation with kids can wear you down.
So how am I looking to make changes? Several key things that, as we have studied the Israelite exodus and wandering in the desert, I am seeing more and more of myself as I read: when you aren’t in the Word and actively talking to Jesus regularly, praying, listening, and being still…things begin to go south. Quick. It happens without fail every time with the Israelites and those that come after them.
I look in the mirror in the mornings and instead of seeing the image that God has created, I see a tired, rushed, too busy woman. Who should have gone to bed at 10 instead of 12. And spent some time in the Word. And prayed in the car, instead of listening to country music. (NO condemnation at all to my country fan friends, it was just not helping ME!)
Our time with God (or lack thereof) vastly affects those around us. I am sure each Israelite family didn’t get up each morning thinking their worship of foreign gods affected their neighbor.
But it did. And mine does too.
I read and re read this post, allowing the Lord to speak to my heart and soak up His truth. He has to matter more than emails, calls, ministry, parenting, and our kids. My time with Him has to be there everyday or I am not living in His splendor. And neither are those around me.
For now, I need to increase the margin in my life, sleep a bit more, email a bit less, and return to the One who made me. So for those who see me regularly, please ask if I am going to bed early, spending time in the Word, and not adding extra things to my life. I need you to ask and help hold me accountable.
I want to glorify Him and show His splendor, not squander what He has made in me, and those He has given to me for this time.