Have you been hurt before by friends? Or even strangers? I have. Sometimes I’ve been hurt on the surface-just a scrape- and sometimes deeply hurt, in the depths of my heart.
With great wisdom and spiritual depth, Jan Greenwood provides five solid steps from her amazing book Women at War for cracking the door of your heart open, once it has been slammed shut from hurt. If you are following along in the book study-welcome to Chapter 3! If you are just now learning about Jan and the depth this book has for women, read on, you are in for a treat!
How does this happen, this closing off of our hearts?
1. “Satan constantly sets in motion opportunities for us to doubt the heart of another toward us.” GIRLS… we doubt each other at every turn, wondering if a look, comment, tone, or laugh could be directed at us. This is not of the Lord!! Truth: “When you encounter someone who swings a painful sword your way or gives off a vibe of meanness, look past the surface and realize that something [else] is going on in her heart.”
2. “We’ve consistently wounded one another [and in turn been wounded]. We’ve experienced such horrific wounds and seen such massive damage in relationships that we suffer from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. There is a fl at, detached tone to our lives. We struggle with a number of hard-to-define consequences like depression, anxiety, fear, and restlessness. We may recover from our outer wounds, but the damage done in our souls continues to haunt us.” Truth: “If our wounds remain unhealed, we will experience a progression of pain that leaves us with an inability to receive and give love.”
Years of unforgiveness and hurt build up and over time, we lose our joy. “The problem is that if we refuse to feel pain, we will also be unable to feel joy. Our natural emotions become flat, because neither extreme is allowed. If you’ve been deeply hurt by another woman, you may find it difficult to imagine how you could ever move beyond the pain of your past. Maybe you don’t even really want to. Maybe you have no desire for healthy female relationships. But let me encourage you to allow your pain to be a catalyst for change.”
How do we change and open our hearts again? Here are 5 things you must do, if you want to crack open the door to your heart:
Step 1. Recognize that you’ve been fighting against your own sisters. Don’t let your pain keep you from being honest about where you have been violated, ignored, betrayed, or wounded by women. Forgiveness is a powerful healer. When we release those who have hurt us, we not only release them, but we release ourselves from being responsible for that person.
Step 2. Identify the lies. Recognize the irrational or unhealthy patterns of thinking that have resulted from your painful experiences, including the lies that may have opened the door for this type of wound in the first place.
Father, what lies have I believed as a result of these hurts and wounds? (Listen for His answer.) What have I believed about other women? About me? About You? I agree—I have agreed with those things. I’m so sorry! Would You forgive me? (Let Him answer. He loves to forgive us! (1 John 1:9)
Step 3. Identify the truth. We possess several weapons to help us in this war, but truth [God's Word] is one of the most important and most powerful. God wants to tell you the truth about those things! His truth heals the broken places in our lives, setting us free. (John 8:32)
Step 4. Let the truths you’ve identified change what you believe, eventually forming new ways of thinking, feeling and responding. Be patient with yourself. Truth is like a seed. You have to nurture it, take care of it, and wait for it to produce fruit.
Step 5. Gather your courage and do something different. Break off unhealthy relationships. Begin to repair potentially positive relationships. Establish healthy boundaries that help you determine in advance what you will and won’t put up with. “
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3–5, NIV)
Your spiritual potential “is so powerful that it can take back desolate places and even restore entire families. If we make the choice to rejoice, even in our pain, and then stretch beyond our limitations, we will see descendants everywhere.”
Questions for Reflection {from Jan}
Please feel free to reply in the comments below {Jan will be responding!} or reflect on your own. Women at War is a great read!! Join Michelle at Intentional Me next week for Chapter 4! I am praying for you as you look to Him for your value and worth, allowing His healing and restoration to minister to your heart and soul.
*All quotes are taken from Chapter 3 of “Women at War” by Jan Greenwood.
